Or, perhaps, during 'Country Gardens', your erstwhile heroine will whack her right little finger with her left hand stick, and have to be retired out of the set with ice-cubes wrapt in a surprisingly pongy j-cloth.  I yelped in surprise.  By now, having whacked myself in the head on numerous occasions (or had a flying stick hit me), you'd have thought I could deal with being whacked in a quieter manner.  Apparently not.  Fortunately, one's little finger is used rather more for touch typing than one would initially think possible.  It's all those full stops and inverted commas, and question marks, you know?  I am, furthermore, surprised that I'm beginning to enjoy dancing Country Gardens.  One long stick, one short stick, different sticking in each chorus: the first time I tried it, I was exhausted and pre-menstrual and could not get the hang of any of it, particularly not the syncopated parts and retired in tears, and refused to dance it.  However, someone pointed out that if I did not learn to dance it, we probably couldn't dance it out this summer.  Duty prevailed.  More yelps in surprise were forthcoming on my return home.  Sam-fish was floating upside-down at the top of the tank.  I began howling, and lifted the lid off the tank to fish him out.  Thinking about this, I did not actually have either fishing net or spoon to hand with which to fish him out, but, I thought he was dead.  D-E-D-spelt-DED! 

I lifted the lid off the tank.

Sam-fish (also known as Sam-fish-the-son-of-Tim-fish-and-Prue-fish) was no longer floating upside-down at the top of the tank.  He had been playing dead.  He wants peas.

I stopped howling, and went and drank Baileys-on-the-rocks, because I had had quite enuff at that point.  It had been a day of petty annoyances, most of which are far too petty to record here.  My Anthropologist's socks, however, are now a couple of inches long.  Or rather, sock #1 of the pair is.  One sock at a time.

"My Aunt Virginia ... [said] 'Whatever you do, don't take the socks off.  Not under any circumstances.'"

"Not in front of the socks...."

xxx

Sonographer "You have a very full bladder."

Me (thinking) "So stop pressing so hard on it, or I will wet myself."

Fortunately, I was allowed a trip to the lavatory before the internal one....

And, there is nothing wrong that they can see: moreover, they gave the impression that my GP was slightly batty for sending me in the first place.  Much happiness, and I entirely agree with them.

xxx